Advice for young couple wanting to a start family

By Byron Moore, posted January 23rd, 2014

Question:  My husband and I want to start a family soon. We both work now, but we would really like for me to be able to stay home when we have a family. All of our friends say it's really hard to do, but we'd really like to. What can we do? 

Answer: Well one thing's for sure - you can't be like your friends.

A generation or two ago more women stayed at home when they started a family. In 1970, only about 43 percent of women age 16 and older were working, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics.

By 1999, that figure had risen to 60 percent. Today, the stay-at-home mom is the exception, not the rule.

Few things stir emotions as much as a conversation about which choice is better for your child. Stay-at-home moms can be seen as privileged snobs looking down on their more ambitious or less economically advantaged working counterparts. And working moms can seem like over-achieving super-women, trying to have it all.

Both views reflect stereotypes borne out of self-conscious insecurities about one's personal choices. Reality is probably much more complex.

I'm not going wade into that fray today - you have expressed your clear preference, so I'll try to shed some light on what it will take to pull it off.

You cannot have it all. Economics 101 says that when you say yes to one thing, you are saying no to a thousand others. If you feel strongly about the value of staying at home with your child, you need to know you're going to sacrifice some other things you might also like.

Your lifestyle will be different. Common sense tells you that if you have less household income, your lifestyle will be different. You'll probably live in a smaller house in a less affluent neighborhood, drive a less than perfect car and learn your way around a thrift store.

Your freedoms will be different. Less income also means you may not be able to vacation like some of your friends or afford a certain private school or have the all the same entertainment choices.

Your friends may be different. Living in a different neighborhood or having different entertainment options may affect your circle of friends.

Start your new lifestyle now. The time to make all these changes is not when baby arrives, but well before. That doesn't mean you have to quit work now, but you do need to adjust your family's spending as if you were not working. Live off your husband's paycheck and save 100% of yours. That will help you to save money and also prove to you both you can pull this thing off.

Don't fool yourself. You are making an expensive choice.

But I also happen to believe it's an investment you'll find is worth the expense.

Byron R. Moore, CFP® is Managing Director / Planning Group of Argent Advisors, Inc. Email him at bmoore@argentmoney.com. Write to him at 500 East Reynolds Drive, Ruston, LA 71270 or call him at (318) 251-5858. The opinions of any single advisor do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Argent Advisors, Inc.  No forecasts can be guaranteed.  Argent Advisors, Inc. does not offer tax, insurance or legal advice.  The information contained in this column should not be construed as a substitute for personalized investment, tax, insurance or legal advice.